Thursday, September 18, 2008

this is only the beginning


little flowers, nikon d80

Life at Squam was simple. I had a purpose. I found clarity. I felt whole.

When I say that it was simple, I certainly don't mean that it was easy. It challenged me on so many levels. Creatively. Emotionally. Socially. It invited me to grow.

And I did... G R O W.

I caught a glimpse of the artful life. A glimpse of what it would be like to pour myself into something that matters to me. It was an extraordinary experience. And it left me wanting more.

But, life at home presents a new challenge. How can I honor Squam in my everyday? When and where can I possibly squeeze that in? There are bills to pay. Groceries to buy. Dirty laundry to wash, dry, fold, put away. Two jobs to work. Three if you count the photography gigs I have started taking on (yay!). Hardly a moment to revel in the sheer delight that I experienced during my 5 days at Squam.

It will take time...I am making peace with that fact. And at least I have something to work toward now. Because honestly, I have been floating around for twenty-eight years now, not knowing what I want to do with my life. And now I know! Now I know. I want to be an artist. I want to live artfully. Everyday it becomes a bit more clear. And this is only the beginning.

9 comments:

Steph said...

OMG this is beautiful! You've so accurately captured my feelings. I'm struggling a bit this week too, finding it hard to reconcile the bliss of Squam with the world of work, laundry and bills.

But I know there is something waiting for me out there. I too feel like I am beginning and am ready to live artfully. Perhaps we can grow together.

Miss you much,

Stephanie
xo

ps - Hurray for the photography gigs!!! :)

Andrea Scher said...

A big YES and an amen to that sister.

love,
superhero andrea

jenica said...

beautiful.

an hour a day
a conscious decision
every baby step counts.

loving you.

Anonymous said...

oh -- so gorgeous. Living artfully everyday will help us keep the feeling of Squam alive within us! Yay!

liz elayne lamoreux said...

yes, yes, yes to this! to know what you want to do shapes how you will move forward, the decisions you will make, how you will walk on your path. the knowing is so huge.

and congratulations on the photography gigs. that is awesome!

Amy said...

YEA!! Emily!! Love this. And love that you have 2 photography gigs. Can't wait to hear more. Did you get your painting back yet? I shipped it last week so hopefully it got there. I decided to jump into the fray and start blogging so you can find me at allbuttondup.blogspot.com
still missing my squammie girls! I love Jenica's post about Squamorse.

Jamie said...

Emily,
It was so great to meet you at Squam! I think you put into words what lots of people are feeling right now. Good luck with your photography gigs!
~jamie

Unknown said...

I agree with the other comments. I am so happy to find this blog and hear you write exactly what's going on in my head. I too, want to be an artist, a writer etc. I just starting blogging too, so maybe we can help each other find our way. :)

Kirsten Michelle said...

only the beginning indeed...
brave and beautiful you.
xoxoxo