I am grateful

a cat named puppy, nikon d40

I am grateful for...
* The toad that sits outside our door each night. We named him Howard. Seeing him always makes me smile. He used to hop away if I stepped too closely to him but not anymore. I wonder what he would say if he could talk. ..
* Our kitty cat. Her name is Puppy! When I pull into the driveway, I can see her before I even get out of the car. She's always watching out the window, patiently waiting for affection. Oh, and she snores! Sometimes with her eyes open. Silly Puppy.
* My darling husband. He once told me that I make it fun to be him. (Best compliment, ever!) I can honestly say that he does the same for me. I love him to the moon and back!

Thanks to Steph and Amy and Amy for inspiring this post!

Note to Self

journal page, nikon d80

I wrote this "note to self" in my journal exactly two weeks ago today. The day I headed off to Squam. At the time, I was terrified - with a capital TERRIFIED! I was hopeless when I so desperately wanted to be hopeful. I was consumed by fears, worries, doubts, insecurities. I needed to change my attitude, and I knew it. So, I jotted down these words of advice, from myself to myself. And a funny thing happened: I actually felt better!

This had never happened before...I had actually managed to find strength - and comfort - in my own self-talk! Such a glorious feeling. Absolutely glorious.

For the past few days, though, I have been feeling a bit hopeless again. My self-talk has become progressively more negative. Apparently, this is going to require a conscious effort!

2nd note to self: read 1st note to self VERY FREQUENTLY!

What is your note to self?

this is only the beginning

little flowers, nikon d80

Life at Squam was simple. I had a purpose. I found clarity. I felt whole.

When I say that it was simple, I certainly don't mean that it was easy. It challenged me on so many levels. Creatively. Emotionally. Socially. It invited me to grow.

And I did... G R O W.

I caught a glimpse of the artful life. A glimpse of what it would be like to pour myself into something that matters to me. It was an extraordinary experience. And it left me wanting more.

But, life at home presents a new challenge. How can I honor Squam in my everyday? When and where can I possibly squeeze that in? There are bills to pay. Groceries to buy. Dirty laundry to wash, dry, fold, put away. Two jobs to work. Three if you count the photography gigs I have started taking on (yay!). Hardly a moment to revel in the sheer delight that I experienced during my 5 days at Squam.

It will take time...I am making peace with that fact. And at least I have something to work toward now. Because honestly, I have been floating around for twenty-eight years now, not knowing what I want to do with my life. And now I know! Now I know. I want to be an artist. I want to live artfully. Everyday it becomes a bit more clear. And this is only the beginning.